


i want a moment to be real

by Fives (janfives90)



Series: Starchart AU [2]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Space AU, warnings: knives; guns; spooky creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25072552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janfives90/pseuds/Fives
Summary: The first thing that comes back to Alyssa Nolan is a cold so harsh it’s almost suffocating.She wakes with a start, choking, looking around wildly.There’s a gaping hole in the loading bay of the ship, and, as she slowly sits up, she realizes that she’s still in her seat, but it’s been ripped off of its brackets and laid to rest on a supply pallet in a pile outside the ship.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Series: Starchart AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815700
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	1. Loop One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I saw The Prom was a year ago on June 6, so here’s a little sequel to celebrate!

Everything is dark.

The warning sirens sound more like a dull buzz in the background, muffled underneath the thud of her blood pounding in her ears.

“Lys,” she mumbles. “Lys.”

Her eyes flutter open, wincing as a red emergency light flashes in her face.

“Lys.”

Her whole body aches, and she can feel bruises already starting to form under the straps of her pilot’s chair. Shaky hands unbuckle the harness, and she groans in pain as she falls from the seat and onto the ceiling.

She hadn’t even noticed that the ship is upside-down.

_ “Alyssa.” _

She can’t get up. Every effort to try hurts, and her head spins on each attempt.

So she drags herself through the wreckage of her ship, in agony, searching for her wife.

* * *

The first thing that comes back to Alyssa Nolan is a cold so harsh it’s almost suffocating.

She wakes with a start, choking, looking around wildly.

There’s a gaping hole in the loading bay of the ship, and, as she slowly sits up, she realizes that she’s still in her seat, but it’s been ripped off of its brackets and laid to rest on a supply pallet in a pile outside the ship.

Alyssa can see dark rock surrounding them, a black sky, but she doesn’t concern herself with where she is. She unbuckles herself and stands up, steadies as her sore body wavers, then climbs into the ship to look for Emma.

* * *

The inside of their ship is a mangled wreck, twisted and bent, with sparking wires and various leaking control fluids.

Alyssa forces open a door and squeezes through it, and her stomach drops when she sees Emma laying on the ceiling, now the floor, panting. There’s a thin trail of blood behind her leading to the cockpit, like she’s been crawling before pausing to catch her breath, and she doesn’t lift her head to look at who entered until Alyssa kneels next to her.

“Lys,” Emma mumbles. “Lys.”

“Hi, baby,” Alyssa whispers, rolling Emma onto her back and pulling her head into her lap. “You doing okay?”

“Just need rest. Looks worse than it is. I think.” Emma frowns up at her. “Alyssa?”

“Yeah, honey, I’m right here. What the hell happened?”

“I can’t… Head’s all scrambled.” Emma gives a soft groan and rubs at her eyes. “Lys, remind me what my name is?”

“Your…” Alyssa tightens her grip on Emma’s leather jacket. “What?”

“Can’t find it at the moment. Oh. The shine… There was a shine…” Emma rubs at her head again. “What happened to the ship?”

“I don’t know. I was in the back when you yelled at me to buckle in because there was going to be turbulence, then the ship just. I don’t know. Everything went black.”

“Oh.” Emma pauses for a long moment. “Lys?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened to the ship?”

Alyssa swallows. “How about I get you to a spot where I can get a better look at you, and then we’ll talk about it?”

“Okay. Are you hurt?”

“No, Em. I’m fine.”

“Good. Good.” Emma frowns. “Am I hurt?”

Alyssa slowly helps her up and through the door. “I’m not sure.”

* * *

Alyssa gets Emma resting on the lid of a broken pallet in the more open section of the loading bay, then climbs up onto the top of the ship to look around.

The dark rock she saw earlier surrounds them, as far as she can see. There are some skeletons of other ships sticking out from the landscape, but she can’t see any sign of life. In the sky, the swirling colors are starting to fade, but Alyssa can see that they aren’t the only thing in the blackness - there are pinprick lights, like clusters of stars, concentrated into tight circular blobs in various spots across the sky. As she watches one of them, the starlight blurs, then seems to spin, before settling back to its still, neutral position.

Alyssa’s blood goes cold.

“Wormholes,” she whispers. “Oh my God. They’re all fucking wormholes.”

She jumps back down to the loading bay and sets her hand against Emma’s cheek. “Em. Emma, look at me.”

“What. Who’s Emma. Wait. I’m Emma.” Emma blinks a few times before focusing on her face. “Wow, you’re pretty. Would you like to go on a date sometime?”

“I’m married.”

Alyssa barely resists the urge to laugh at the pout on Emma’s face.

“Honey, I’m married  _ to you.” _

“Oh. Hey. Nice job, me.”

“Emma, I need you to try to focus. Did the ship go through a wormhole?”

“Worms are so small. The ship wouldn’t fit.”

“No… Em…” Alyssa sighs and kisses Emma on the forehead. “Okay. Why don’t you just stay here for a bit, sweetheart? I want to take a look around.”

“Mm. Just ask the space people.”

“Wh-” Alyssa pales and pulls her knife out of its sheath as she turns, eyes scanning the small hills behind her. “Who’s there? I swear to God, I’m not in the mood today.”

Silence answers her.

She takes a small step forward, and a canister falls at her feet.

“Shit,” she mumbles, before it explodes with a  _ pop, _ and gas fills her vision before choking her and sending her into darkness.

* * *

_ “Pirates?” _

_ “I don’t think so. Their pallets were full of normal supplies for long trips. I’m thinking travelers. Maybe adventure seekers.” _

Alyssa groans as she opens her eyes at the sound of voices, and her vision focuses on two people sitting next to her beside a fire. “Who…”

One of them, a middle-aged woman with a fresh gash on her cheek, looks over at her. “Oh, hello. I’m Viv Newton. This is Tommy Baxter. I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Yeah, nice.” Alyssa sits up and coughs, looking between the woman and the man next to her, younger with bright blue hair. “Where’s the woman I was with?”

“She’s resting,” Tommy says. “She had a real bad case of spirals.”

“Spirals?”

“Sometimes if a person’s in the parts of a ship that have been squeezed the worst when going through a wormhole, their brain gets scrambled.” Viv shrugs. “She should be fine when the next loop hits.”

Tommy stands and helps Alyssa to her feet. “I’ll take you to her.”

* * *

She’s taken to a cave.

There’s fires burning at the entrance, and the inside is lit by torches. She can see campsites built out of twisted metal and torn fabric, obvious debris from the crashed ships she saw earlier.

“You live on this planet?” Alyssa asks, following Tommy.

“As far as I can tell, every human that’s alive on this place is in this cave. You saw what happened to your own ship when you can through the wormhole. The same thing happens to all of them. We’ve been trapped here.”

“But there’s so many wrecks. There’s no way to fix a ship and fly out?”

Tommy shakes his head. “There’s nowhere to fly. This planet seems to exist in its own space. The only way out is back through a wormhole, and, well…”

“That doesn’t exactly bode well for the ship or the people on it.”

“Correct.” Tommy stops and gestures in front of him, and Alyssa sees Emma laying on a thin mat in front of a tent, apparently sleeping. “She needs rest,” he says quietly. “Her mental state is going to continue to fluctuate wildly until the next loop. You have to make sure that she stays here if she wakes up.”

“It’s not like I apparently have much  _ choice _ since you  _ kidnapped us.” _

Tommy pauses, concern in his eyes. “It’s not safe out there.”

“How is it-”

“Tommy, are you upsetting our new resident?”

Alyssa turns her head and watches as a large man, built like a bodybuilder or the fiction stereotype of a soldier, approaches them.

Her automatic instinct is  _ don’t trust, _ an instinct she didn’t get with either Viv or Tommy.

“No, not at all,” Alyssa says with a strained smile. “I’m just trying to understand my options. This is obviously overwhelming.”

“Of course,” the man says, in a tone that’s clearly meant to be soothing but just sounds patronizing. “My name is Ian Cador. I’m sort of the de facto leader here. I can answer any questions you might have.”

“Okay.” Alyssa folds her arms across her chest. “Have you programmed any test flights using the materials available on this planet? Surely there must be enough equipment to set up some sort of monitoring system for a short term relay that would allow test ships to be sent through wormholes to see if they survive.”

Ian stares at her. “Look, Ms…”

_ “Mrs.  _ Nolan.”

“Mrs. Nolan. We’re just trying to survive here. We don’t have time for that.”

“I’m not sure how you’d have time for anything else.” Alyssa looks between Ian and Tommy. “I know I’ve only been here a short time, but I understand planets. I haven’t seen a single sign of life aside from your people. No viable dirt, no vegetation, no animals, nothing. The supplies from ships can’t last forever, which means  _ you _ can’t last forever.” She holds up her hands when she sees Ian’s eyes shift and get defensive. “I’m not here to challenge you, Ian, but my wife and I are getting off this planet no matter what it takes.”

With a final small nod of acknowledgement, Alyssa walks over to Emma and sits down next to her, watching her breathe silently.

She ignores Ian as he jabs a finger against Tommy’s chest, growling out an order she can’t hear before he stalks away.

* * *

“That was reckless, but it was cool.”

Alyssa snorts out a laugh as Tommy sits down across from her, bracketed by Viv and another, younger girl with dark hair and blond highlights. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so brash. I’m just… I’m frustrated.”

“Why are you…” The new, younger girl blushes. “Sorry. I’m Kiki Hawes. Uhm. Why are you frustrated?”

Alyssa gently brushes Emma’s hair off of her forehead, and Emma mumbles something that sounds like “bacon”.

“I’m Alyssa Nolan. We have…” She shakes her head. “It just… it matters that we get home. I’m sure it matters to all of you as well, but I… I can’t just accept as fact that there’s no way off this planet.”

With a sympathetic look, Tommy takes a small flask out of his jacket and passes it over to her. “Whiskey,” he says by way of explanation at her curious frown. “Found it in one of the ships. I figure you could use it.”

Alyssa laughs and takes a swig of it before returning it to him. “Thanks.”

“We all want to go home,” Kiki says. “Believe me. We do. We just aren’t sure how.”

“Help me, then. Help me at least try.”

The trio exchanges a glance.

“We’ll try,” Viv murmurs. “Even if it’s just to irritate Ian.”

“Yeah, what’s that guy’s problem?”

Tommy laughs. “Alpha male.” He gets up and crouches down next to Emma, checking her pulse. “You know, your wife is lucky. I took a look at your ship. The squeezed section was horribly damaged. To get out of there with only a few minor injuries and a case of spirals is almost a miracle.”

Alyssa gives a small smile. “Last minute miracle survivals are kind of her thing.”

Tommy meets her gaze and grins, and Alyssa can see a tiny spark of optimism in his eyes. “Well. Maybe we really do have a chance, then.”

* * *

Alyssa stands at the mouth of the cave, looking out at the landscape in front of her.

“Are you going out there?”

She glances over her shoulder as Tommy joins her. “Yeah. I was thinking about it. There’s a box of emergency parts hidden in my ship that I doubt your people found, and I’d like to have them on hand when we start looking at what other ships might be salvageable.”

Tommy nods. “Viv figured you’d want to head out to your ship.” He pats the rifle slung over his shoulder. “She told me to go with you.”

Alyssa pauses. “Tommy. What the fuck is out there?”

He gives her a grim look. “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you. Just make sure you have a weapon.” He starts to walk out of the cave before pausing and looking back at her. “And if I say to run, run.”

* * *

“Jesus,” Alyssa whispers. “This is worse than I thought it was when I first looked at it. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You were worried.” Tommy stands behind her, his rifle up and ready.

“Yeah. I still am.” Alyssa pulls open a wall panel that’s bent and steps into the small storage room.

“Smuggler’s room?”

“Don’t worry,” Alyssa says with a laugh. “We’re not smugglers or pirates. It’s just the kind of ship Emma has. We’re… I mean, at the end of the day we’re just transporters, but we do a bit of treasure hunting on the side.” She picks up a metal box by its handle. “This is what I need.”

“Good. We should go.” Tommy steps back and hears a small  _ crack. _ He frowns and looks down, then picks up a little toy spaceship, its wing cracked under his boot.

Alyssa pales. “That’s my son’s,” she whispers.

“You have a son?” Tommy asks quietly.

“Yeah.” Alyssa leans back against a shelving unit. “We… Emma and I don’t want him to grow up without his parents. Her parents were shit. My dad disappeared when I was little. We don’t want Liam to go through the same things we did.” She swallows. “We have to get off this planet.”

“Then let’s get that box back to the cave and-”

He’s interrupted by a loud snarling noise.

“What the hell is that?” Alyssa asks.

As an answer, Tommy says, “Run.”

* * *

Tommy had been right.

She wouldn’t have believed him if he told her.

Alyssa runs across the rocky ground, the box of parts tight in her grip. She glances over her shoulder, gasping for breath, trying to see how close it is.

She should stop looking back.

The creature is about the size of the polar bears she saw once in the zoo on Aquai, with thick brown fur, but the basic shape of some kind of lizard.

Its teeth are yellowed and sharper than the knife on her hip.

_ “Tommy, what the fuck is that thing?” _

Tommy, running next to her, fires a wild shot behind them, presumably to try to warn it off. “We call it the Snap.”

“Do I want to know why?”

“Because it catches you with a snap of its teeth and then it snaps your neck.”

“No. I didn’t want to know.”

“Do you see the lights?”

“What?” Alyssa looks up and sees that the dark sky has begun to light up with a bright, spiraling rainbow of color.

“Not long now. Just keep running. Hold on to that box.”

“But-” Alyssa slams hard into a piece of an old spaceship that she couldn’t see against the darkness of the ground, and she cries out as she falls, slamming hard into the rock. She keeps her grip on the supply box, but she struggles to stand back up, feeling a deep gash in her abdomen.

Tommy stops next to her and raises his gun, trying to aim it as the Snap leaps behind a rock, hiding, stalking them. “Come on,” he mumbles, glancing back up at the sky. “Come on. Come on.”

Alyssa pushes herself onto her feet, panting, pain trembling through her. “We have to go.”

“We can’t,” Tommy mutters. “You’re bleeding. It’ll track you.”

“Then what do we do?”

“Wait and hope.”

“What does that mean?”

“Look at the lights.”

Alyssa looks back up and sees that the color has spread almost across the entirety of the sky. “Oh, wow,” she whispers.

“Is it filling everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Then brace yourself.”

“Wh-”

Her vision goes white, then she sees flashes and splashes of colors. Her body heats up, then she feels like she’s been dumped into a pool of ice water, then the world goes black.

* * *

Alyssa opens her eyes and finds herself standing in the cave, at her campsite, holding the box of supplies. She blinks and pulls up her shirt, baffled to see that the wound in her side that she got during the run from the Snap is completely gone.

“Lys?”

She turns her head and sees Emma standing next to her, the visible scrapes and bruises from the crash gone from her face. “Emma,” Alyssa whispers. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Emma rubs the back of her neck. “How the hell did we get here? I was flying the ship and a wormhole started to pull us in, then everything hurt, and now I’m. Here.”

Alyssa hugs her. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Hey.”

Alyssa turns around and sees Viv standing a few feet away, the gash on her cheek also missing. “Viv. I don’t understand. I was outside with Tommy, and there was this creature, and then there were lights, and…”

“Oh, you saw the Snap? Ugly bastard, isn’t it?”

“That’s one way to put it, but seriously, how did I get here?”

“We told you. This place exists in its own space. As long as the Snap doesn’t kill you, you’ll always end up back here once the lights come. The first one is always the hardest, but you’ll get used to it.” Viv smiles at them. “Welcome to your second loop.”


	2. Loop Two

The warmth of the fire outside sinks through Emma’s body, eradicating the chill in her bones. She fidgets to get comfortable as she lies in the makeshift campsite, holding Alyssa close.

“Are you okay, Captain?” Alyssa asks in a soft murmur.

“Yeah. Just thinking. This is a lot to take in.”

“It really is.” Alyssa buries her face against Emma’s neck. “We have to get out of here, Em. We have to get home.”

“I know, baby. We will. I promise you, whatever I have to do, we’ll get out of this mess.”

There’s a small knock on the outside of the small shelter they’re in, and Viv sticks her head in. “Sorry to intrude, but Ian says that if you’d like to go take a look at some of the wrecks, I can take Tommy and Kiki out to draw the Snap away from the area. Just take torches with you. The beast’s afraid of fire.”

Emma and Alyssa exchange a small glance, then Alyssa says, “Yeah. If you’re all okay with that, we will. Thanks, Viv.”

Viv shrugs. “Hey, if you two figure out a way off this rock, it helps all of us. I’m happy to help. We all are.”

* * *

“What do you think about our new neighbors?”

Emma shrugs as she props her torch up in the dirt and climbs up onto a ship to look down into a hole in its side. “I haven’t really interacted with them much. I wasn’t exactly sane before.”

“Okay, fair.”

“Why? Is something bothering you?”

“Not really. Viv, Tommy, and Kiki all seem like perfectly legitimate victims.”

Emma pauses and glances over her shoulder. “But not Ian?”

Alyssa winces. “I just… I get the same vibe from him that I got from the suits I used to work with. It’s not a good vibe, Em.”

“I wouldn’t think so. They tried to kill us.” Emma sits down on the edge of the wreckage. “Lys. All of these ships have been decimated. Do you really think that we can figure this out without just dying?”

“We have to,” Alyssa whispers. “We told Liam that we’d be back, Em.”

Emma closes her eyes and runs a hand through her hair. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if we can’t keep that promise, Lys.”

“Then don’t think about it. You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. You know ships. If anybody’s going to think of something, it’s you.”

Emma leans back, lying down on the metal and staring up at a wormhole above her, slowly spinning in the sky. “These things are too complex for actual scientists. I’m just a pilot.”

Alyssa climbs up and lies next to her. “You’ve never been _just_ anything. And who knows. Maybe a pilot is what we need.”

* * *

Emma leans against the wall of the mouth of the cave, using a pair of binoculars she scavenged from one of the downed ships.

“See anything interesting out there?” Tommy asks, stopping next to her with his flask in his hand.

“No. Just a lot of rock and death.” Emma takes the flask from him and drinks from it before handing it back. “Are you even old enough to drink that?”

Tommy hesitates. “Yeah.”

“That was totally convincing.”

“I was nearly twenty before I came here, and I must be twenty by now. I just don’t age. Besides, who’s going to tell me not to?” He takes a sip of the whiskey before putting it back into his jacket.

“Maybe I will,” Emma teases.

There’s a small flush on his cheeks as he bows his head and clears his throat. “Yeah. I mean. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Emma pats him on the shoulder before doing another scan through the binoculars. “How long have you all been here?”

“Oh, it’s different for all of us. We keep track of the loops in our own individual campsites. We consider them like days, but I don’t think that’s how much time goes by on the outside. Ian’s been here the longest. A little over a thousand loops. Viv’s done about six hundred and fifty. Kiki and I got here at nearly the same time. We’re both at around three hundred loops.”

“You’ve been here almost a year? Jesus. And Ian’s been here at least _three._ This is insane.”

“At a certain point, you just grow to accept it.”

“Is that really how you want to live? Because I sure as hell don’t want to.”

“Do I _want_ to? No. I’m just not sure there’s a way to fix it.”

Emma hands Tommy her binoculars. “I don’t think there is, either. But I’m going to try.”

* * *

“Can you explain something to me?”

Tommy looks over his shoulder as he leads Emma back towards the wreck of her own ship. “I’m shit at explaining, but I can try.”

“At the end of every loop, we reset to how we were as we entered the wormhole. That would have to be how I no longer have any injuries from the crash, and how you and Kiki can still have dyed alterations to your hair after such a long time.”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t the ships reset, too?”

“Ah.” Tommy climbs over a wing and reaches back to help Emma do the same. “We’ve been confused by that, too. It seems like, for some reason, only humans and whatever is on their person at the time of the next loop is reset. Ian said that he tried different variations of holding onto ships when he first arrived, but it didn’t work. I guess they’re just too big.”

“Hm. This sure is a strange little planet.” Emma glances up at the sky. “Have you talked with the others? Did you all enter at around the same place on the other side?”

“No. From what I can tell, we all went through completely different wormholes.”

“So if we do get back through one, we could end up anywhere. Awesome.”

“It’s gotta be better than being in here, right?”

Emma laughs. “Yeah. You definitely have me there.” She stops and gives a soft whistle as she finally lays eyes on her ship. “Oh, baby, what did I do to you?”

“Alyssa said it was a family ship?”

“Yeah. Used to be my grandmother’s. God, she’ll kill me when she finds out I wrecked it.”

“Maybe it’ll be offset by knowing you didn’t die?”

“Ehh… It’ll be a safer bet as long as I make sure I get Alyssa back home. My own grandmother likes my wife more than me.”

Tommy snorts out a laugh. “That can’t be true.”

“I’m sure it isn’t _really,_ but… I mean, I wouldn’t blame her if she did. My wife’s awesome.” Emma runs a hand through her hair and sighs. “Man. There was a part of me that thought maybe Alyssa was exaggerating and this wasn’t as bad as it is.”

Tommy sits down on an empty pallet. “I’m sorry.”

“So am…” Emma steps around a broken piece of the ship and sees something laying on the rocks. “...I… Jesus...”

“What’s wrong?”

Emma crouches down, studying the skeletons lying by the ship’s hull, partially buried. “Bodies,” she mutters.

Tommy hops down from the pallet and stands at her shoulder. “Oh.” He makes a soft, sad sound, and he crouches next to her. “Their necks are broken.”

“The Snap?”

“Has to be. It’s the only way to die out here. Viv slipped once and cracked her skull on a rock, died pretty quickly, but then next loop she was right back in her campsite like nothing happened.”

Emma rubs at the back of her neck. “Jesus.”

“We should… I’ll cover them up. I think there’s still a tarp in here somewhere. We shouldn’t leave them like this.”

Emma gives a tired nod and stands. “Good man.” She turns and walks away, her head bowed, fear settling in her chest.

* * *

Alyssa walks to the back of the cave, where Ian’s campsite is set up. “Huh. You’re pretty far from the fires back here.”

Ian shrugs. “There’s only one way into this cave. I’ll leave the rest of you to protect me.”

“That’s an interesting perspective for someone who acts like he’s in charge.”

He grins. “In a war, Mrs. Nolan, you don’t send the generals in with the front line.”

“Maybe.” Alyssa puts her hands in her pockets. “I’d say that, historically, generals who want to use their subordinates as shields are pretty shitty generals.”

Ian narrows his eyes and stands. “Did you want something, or are you only here to critique my living arrangements?”

“Tommy took Emma out to the wreckage of our ship earlier. They found partially buried skeletons in the bit of dirt broken out of the rock by the crash.”

“Interesting.”

“Yeah, but what I’m not understanding is that they weren’t there yesterday, or last loop, or whatever you people say. I would’ve seen them. And that dirt wouldn’t have even been viable for burial until our ship cracked the rock when it crashed.”

Ian nods slowly. “So you don’t understand how the skeletons got there in the first place.”

“Right. You’ve been here the longest, so I figured you’d be the best person to ask.”

“Well, you’re right.” Ian folds his arms across his chest. “Time doesn’t move properly here. You can enter a wormhole at any point in time or space, but, because of the loops, you’ll always end up at the same place. Because of that, sometimes our visual perspective of things doesn’t line up with what’s actually happened based on the time that we’ve actually experienced.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ll keep it as simple as possible. When my ship came through, my co-pilot, Hugh, survived. About twenty loops in, suddenly there was a jacket impaled high up on a rock that looked just like the one Hugh always wore. We didn’t understand it. Figured we were hallucinating it. Ignored it. A few dozen loops later, the Snap got Hugh. It always drags its victims off to wherever its den is, but Hugh’s jacket got stuck on the same rock and got left behind. The next day, the one that had previously appeared was gone like it had never been there.”

Alyssa closes her eyes and bows her head. “Oh, God,” she murmurs.

“You’re right. Those skeletons weren’t there yesterday. They probably won’t make sense for a while. Hell, those people might not even be on this planet yet. Time is a bitch here.” Ian sits back down and closes his eyes. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take a nap.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure, Ian, whatever.” Alyssa puts her hands in her pockets and heads back to her campsite, dread settling through her body.

* * *

“Is there any fuel?” Alyssa calls down as Emma works underneath a wreck surrounded by small torches.

Emma frowns as she fights with a damaged tank. “Yeah, I think so. I’m going to try to empty it into this bucket and then we can-” She cap snaps in her hand, and fuel spits out at her face. _“-Fuck!”_

There’s a long pause as she scrambles to get the bucket under the emptying fuel and wipe her face off with the sleeve of her jacket.

“Well,” Alyssa says, amusement clear in her voice. “If we can fuck as soon as you’re done, maybe you should hurry it up, Captain.”

Emma drags herself out from under the ship and glares up at her. “I think I swallowed fuel and you’re out here making fun of me?”

“Yes.”

“Typical. Married for eight years and I’m still treated like the help.”

Alyssa gives an overexaggerated gasp. _“Excuse me?”_

“I should’ve figured,” Emma says with a grin. “You never actually did pay me.”

“Oh, I’ll pay you. Once we get off this goddamn rock.”

Emma pulls the bucket out from under the ship and stands up. “Is that supposed to be motivation?”

Alyssa takes a small rag and wipes as much fuel as she can manage off of Emma’s face and hair. “It can be as much motivation as you’d like.”

* * *

As they start to head back to the cave, Emma stops suddenly when she sees one of the ships laying on the rock, barely noticed amongst the bigger wrecks. “Holy shit,” she whispers. “Lys, come look at this.”

She sets the bucket of fuel down and climbs over to the small wreck, Alyssa following. “What is it?” Alyssa asks.

“This ship. Look at the damage on it.”

Alyssa just stares at her, blank.

Emma gives a small laugh. “Lys, the only damage here is impact damage. There’s none of that spiraling, ripping damage that’s on all the bigger ships.”

Alyssa’s eyes get wide. “Worms.”

“...What?”

“Oh my God. You’re a genius.” She grabs Emma and kisses her hard, then makes a face. “Ew. Okay. You still taste like fuel.”

“How was I supposed to-”

“Em,” Alyssa interrupts. “When you were rambling, when we first got here, I asked you if we had gone through a wormhole and you told me that we couldn’t have because it was too small. It sounded like nothing but complete nonsense, like you were thinking just of worms like the animals, but…”

“The size of the ship.” Emma looks at the metal in front of her. “I’ve been thinking of ways to do this with a big ship, something that might be able to tank the force of the spiraling, but that’s not the answer. Smaller. A ship that might not be as useful once we’re on the other side, but that we can still use to get out. It’s not about surviving a massive force, it’s sliding through without feeling as much force in the first place.”

“We have to tell the others.”

* * *

“Are you absolutely fucking insane?” Ian demands, pacing instead of joining the small group gathered around the fire. “A small ship will just implode.”

“I don’t think it will,” Emma says. “Our ships were destroyed because they were squeezed and twisted and mangled around an unyielding force. We were trying to shove a baseball through a metal washer. But if you take something small, it should fit better. Maybe not a hundred percent, maybe pushing, I don’t know, a blueberry through a washer. We’ll probably still have damage, but we might have a better chance of not getting ripped apart.”

“This is all hypothetical. You’re just throwing a guess and hoping that it will work.”

“Well… Yeah. But it’s better than staying here forever.”

Ian glares at her. “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve barely been here for two loops.”

“And I’ve been here a lot longer,” Viv mutters. “But I still want to go home, Ian. I’d rather take the risk and have a chance than sit here and do nothing and just wait until the Snap murders us all.”

“She’s right, Ian,” Kiki says quietly. “I’m tired of living like this.”

Ian looks at Tommy, who just shrugs and shifts a bit so that he’s standing behind Alyssa. “You know what?” Ian growls. “Fine. Fix up your ship. If you all want to go on some suicide mission, I’m not going to stop you. It’ll make my life a lot quieter.”

As he walks away, Viv looks at Emma. “What’s the plan?”

“We’ll need to start fixing up that little ship. Get it flyable. It won’t be pretty, but all that matters is that it works.” Emma sighs. “Maybe next loop, though. I think I’ve had enough planning for one day.”

Kiki laughs. “I think we can all understand that. Get some rest. We all will.”

* * *

Emma leaves Alyssa to chat with Kiki and Viv, and she follows Tommy out of the cave. She stands a few feet back, watching him as he fiddles with his rifle, raising it to his shoulder a few times like he’s trying to get comfortable.

“You’re new to that. Aren’t you?”

He turns around, startled. “Uhm. Yeah. We just found it in a wreck and brought it in. Viv showed me some of the basics, but, well, she’s not an expert, either.”

“Here.” Emma adjusts his grip on the rifle, then taps her boots against his to fix his stance. She hears his breath hitch as she leaves her hand on his shoulder, talking quietly. “I know you’re scared when you shoot. Who wouldn’t be? Alyssa described that thing to me, and it sounds terrifying. But no matter how scared you are, you have to focus when you shoot. You have to breathe. Aim. If you shoot wildly, you won’t hit your target, and you’ll endanger yourself and anyone with you. It’s okay to be afraid. You just have to channel it and use it, not let it control you.”

“You say it like it’s easy,” Tommy says in a shaky voice.

“Oh, it’s not.” Emma gives a strained laugh and lowers her hand, standing next to him as he puts the rifle down. “Believe me. It’s not. But sometimes it’s what you have to do.” She takes a small step forward, sliding her hands into the pocket of her jacket. “You know, Alyssa also told me that those skeletons weren’t near my ship yesterday.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. And that the Snap takes its victims all the way back to its den. It sort of got me wondering, how would those bodies end up there, if the Snap didn’t put them there?”

Tommy pales.

* * *

Alyssa stretches as she heads out of the cave to join Emma and Tommy. “Hey, Emma, I’m going to get some sleep.” She points up at the lights starting in the sky. “I know the loop is soon, but maybe if I’m at our campsite already it won’t interrupt me?” She gives a laugh that dies when she sees that neither of them is listening to her, just standing there staring at each other. “...Is everything okay?”

“Yep,” Tommy says quickly.

“No,” Emma says.

She sounds so unbearably tired that it almost takes Alyssa’s breath away.

“Em,” Alyssa murmurs. “What’s wrong?”

“The skeletons at the ship are _ours,_ Lys.”

Alyssa’s stomach drops to her feet. “What?”

“We don’t know that.” Tommy shakes his head. “We can’t know that. It might just be-”

“Those bodies were taken from the Snap and deliberately buried _at my ship.”_

Tommy continues to shake his head. “No. No, it must be-”

Emma sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “And I’d bet money that you’re the one who ends up burying them.”

He gives a high, stressed laugh. “Why would you think-”

“You know why, Liam.”

Tommy’s mouth snaps shut.

“Yeah,” Emma whispers. “I thought so.”

“What?” Alyssa laughs. “Emma, Liam’s five years old and at your grandmother’s house.”

“Lys,” Emma starts softly.

Alyssa shakes her head. “That’s… That’s not…” She trails off, looking between Emma and Tommy, both of them with identical exhausted, defeated expressions on their faces.

And she sees it.

The same soft hazel eyes. The same pale skin. The same jawline. The same blond hair, visible only at the roots of Tommy’s blue dye.

The unmistakable likeness that Alyssa knows in her heart their son has always had.

“Liam,” Alyssa says, her voice low and hoarse. “But how… How did… You’re _here…”_

Tommy swallows, his eyes watery. “You never came home,” he murmurs. “I got my history degree, my pilot’s license, and through it all you still never came home. I’m sorry, Mama. I came looking for you both.” He takes in a deep breath and looks up at the sky, flooding with bright colors. “And all I managed to accomplish was joining you.”


	3. Loop Three

Emma stands at her campsite, a dull feeling in her chest.

She sees Tommy stare at them for a moment before turning and hurrying towards the cave entrance, and, next to her, Alyssa starts to follow.

_ “Liam!” _

“Don’t,” Emma says quietly, grabbing Alyssa by the arm. “Let him be.” She meets Kiki’s confused gaze and raises her voice enough for her to hear. “Can you go with him, please?”

Kiki nods and follows him.

“Emma,” Alyssa says, her voice cracking. “We can’t just…”

“He hasn’t seen us in fourteen years and he’s managed to bury his reaction to us before now. Let him have time to breathe, Lys.”

“But he’s…” Alyssa turns to her in tears. “Emma, he’s our  _ son. _ A-And we… We  _ left him.” _

“Not by choice.” Emma sets her hands on Alyssa’s shoulders. “We didn’t ask to be trapped here, Lys.”

“You think that matters? My father didn’t  _ mean _ to abandon me, either, but it still crushed me when he vanished.” Alyssa swallows. “How can you be so damn calm about this?”

Emma’s jaw goes tight. “I’m not,” she says softly. “I told my grandmother that no matter what, even if something did happen to us, that she’d know. That I’d make sure she knows, so that Liam wouldn’t grow up with that hanging over him.” She meets Alyssa’s gaze evenly. “I’ve failed that. I failed them both. All I can do now is try not to fail him again.”

“Honey, it’s not on you alone. We chased that starchart together. We made that choice.”

“Yeah. But I’m the captain, Lys. I’m the one who couldn’t get us away from the wormhole. That’s on me.” Emma lowers her hands and shakes her head. “That’s always going to be on me.”

* * *

“What will it take to get this thing flyable?”

Alyssa looks up from replacing a panel on the side of the small ship and raises an eyebrow at Ian. “It’s actually in better shape than it looked at first glance. I’m replacing the broken and fractured parts of the frame now. Once we get a hyperspeed engine that works and finish clearing some of the dirt out from under it, it’ll actually be flyable. It won’t be fabulous, but once it’s out of the wormhole it should get us somewhere we can get something better.”

Ian gives a small nod. “And what happens on the other side?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve all been thrown here from different times. You’re hoping that if you go out the other way, you’ll get back home. What does that mean for the rest of us? And what happens if you don’t end up where you want to be?”

Alyssa bites her lip. “That’s a problem for later, Ian. Right now, the goal is  _ out.” _

Ian just looks at her for a long moment. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

She turns her attention back to her work and mutters, “So do I.”

* * *

Emma sits on top of a wreck, staring out at the rocks.

“I heard you were looking for a hyperspeed engine.”

She glances over her shoulder as Tommy climbs up next to her. “Yeah. You know where I can get one?”

“I might. Last I looked at it, the ship I came in on still had a working engine.”

They sit in silence, waiting for one of them to speak next.

“I’m sorry, Liam,” Emma whispers. “This is my fault. Your mother wants to share the blame, but this is my fault. It was my job to follow the starchart. My job to see the wormhole. I should’ve done better.”

Tommy takes a small, broken toy ship out of his pocket and looks down at it. “You know, you always told me that I was smarter than you. That I’d take over for you someday. So I guess if I’m dumb enough to end up in here too, it’s not really on you.”

“Liam-”

“I just wanted to know, Mom,” Tommy interrupts softly. “Gramma and I both knew that you’d never abandon me. We just wanted to know how you died. The moment I saw the wormhole, I thought I knew, but then I ended up here, and… I searched. I searched everywhere, but I couldn’t find your ship. It was almost worse, thinking I had an answer, then thinking I didn’t. When you finally did end up here, I… I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to show the truth, but you were both just so nice to me, and it hurt. Damn did it hurt. Because I had always known that that’s who you were, but seeing it was…”

“If we get out of here, if we get back to… well, the smaller you, I don’t know what happens to you. This place exists in such a conundrum that you’d probably just both exist. I can’t fix what happened to you, no matter how badly I want to.”

“I know, Mom.” Tommy climbs down off of the ship. “But if we can keep you and Mama alive? If we can keep the present version of me from growing up without you? It would be worth it. Believe me. It would be worth it.”

Emma gives a small smile as she climbs down next to him. “Gran raised you well.”

“Yeah. She even let me have a dog when I was little.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “You can’t keep a dog on a ship.”

“You totally could.”

“If you could, I would’ve had like three of them. Trust me. No dogs on spaceships.”

“Only if you’re a coward.”

Emma shoves him gently, her heart warming as she watches playfulness enter his eyes. “Don’t make me fight you, boy. I’m barely thirty-five. I’m not old yet.”

“Are you sure? You have a nineteen-year-old son.”

Emma shivers. “Why don’t we get this engine before I ground you?”

Tommy laughs. “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

“Hey, Lys. We got an engine.”

“Oh, that’s-” Alyssa freezes when she looks up and sees Emma carrying the part with Tommy’s help. “...good.”

Tommy sets the engine down and gives Alyssa a shy wave. “Hi, Mama,” he says in a small voice.

“Liam,” Alyssa whispers. “Are you…”

“I’m okay. Mom and I talked some things through.” He takes a few steps towards her. “Look, I… I know you probably have a million questions, and I promise that I’ll answer them once we get this thing put back together. But I need you to know. I still love both of you. I always did. I won’t say that I was never angry, or that I was never hurt, and I know that you wouldn’t believe me if I tried to claim otherwise. But right now, I’m most focused on how really freaking happy I am that you’re alive. I’d like to deal with the rest of it later.”

Alyssa gives a small nod, tears in her eyes. “God, you’re handling this so much better than I did with my dad.”

“Yeah, she almost got me murdered. Like,  _ multiple _ times,” Emma says, heading over to the ship.

Tommy laughs. “Well, I’m trying my hardest not to let that happen.”

“You’d better.” Alyssa reaches up, hesitant, and sets a gentle hand against Tommy’s cheek. “When we have that conversation later, we can talk about your hair.”

Emma chokes on a laugh, leaning against the ship for support.

_ “Mama,” _ Tommy groans.

“Honey, I’m all for self-expression, but this is  _ very _ bright. It doesn’t do you  _ any _ favors.”

Emma shakes her head. “Sorry, pal,” she says to the confused look on Tommy’s face. “In her head, you’re five.”

Alyssa glares at her.

“Anyway, let’s get this engine installed.”

* * *

Emma takes in a breath and stands near the fire, looking at the people around them. “The plan is pretty simple. Based on trajectory, we’ve figured out which wormhole Alyssa and I entered through. We’re going to take this ship and fly back through it. If you’d like to come along, you’re welcome to. I can’t guarantee that it’ll take you to your own time. I can’t even guarantee that we’ll get to  _ our _ own time. But it’s the best shot we have.”

Ian, leaning against the wall, scoffs. “Why do you get to pick which wormhole we use?”

“Because aside from Tommy, I’m the only one here who’s a pilot, and it’s a plan Alyssa and I made. If you don’t like it, Ian, you can fix up your own ship.”

He says nothing.

“What happens if we go to your time?” Kiki asks. “I don’t think the rest of us are from there.”

“We’ll help you with that,” Alyssa says. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

“Well, I’m in.” Viv leans back on her hands. “I’m ready to get off this rock, no matter what happens.”

“I’m in, too,” Tommy says with a small smile at Alyssa.

“It’s settled, then.” Emma stands. “Gather anything you want to bring out of here. We’re leaving. Now.”

* * *

Alyssa sets her hand on Emma’s shoulder as they stand near the wreckage of their ship. “There’s so much to leave behind,” she murmurs.

Emma nods. “It’s a good thing we keep valuables and keepsakes in that house on Gran’s property.” She crouches down and picks up a ball. “The only things in here that really matter are the little things Liam’s left around.”

“He’ll have new things.” Alyssa steps deeper into the ship. “Hell, I’ll get him whatever he wants as long as I get to see him again.”

Emma grins. “Same. I think-” She sees the shadow in front of her just in time to dive out of the way as a Twelfth Era sword slashes into the dirt where she had been crouched. “What the  _ fuck?” _

“You lying bastards,” Ian snarls.

“Lying? How about  _ thieving? _ That’s _ my _ sword, you dick.”

“Emma,” Alyssa says sharply.

“Yeah, yeah, dangerous idiot, I know.” Emma raises her hands in front of her. “What’s going on here, Ian?”

“I took a look at your escape ship,” Ian says through gritted teeth. “There’s four seats. Pilot. Copilot. Two passengers. You’re leaving two of us behind. Well, I’m not doing that. No way. The only people staying behind are  _ you!” _

“Ian  _ wait-” _ Emma dodges as Ian slashes at her again, trying to grab a piece of broken metal as a makeshift shield. “Dammit, you moron, it’s a  _ tiny ship, _ of course there aren’t enough seats!”

“And that justifies it?”

“No! We’re not leaving  _ anyone, _ we’re just going to- Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ian, put the fucking sword down.”

Ian swings wildly again, the blade swiping against Emma’s side.

_ “Em!” _ Alyssa yells. She grabs a broken barrel top and throws it at Ian like a frisbee, hitting him solidly in the head.

He drops like he’s been punched in the jaw by someone twice his size.

“Damn,” Emma says with a soft whistle. “Remind me never to piss you off.”

“You  _ love  _ to piss me off.”

“Only a little.”

“Emma,” Alyssa says. “You’re bleeding.”

Emma looks down at her side, at the red blood dripping into the dirt.

And hears a loud snarling noise, not too far away from them.

“Lys. Run.”

“No. I’m not-”

“Alyssa. Run. Now.”

“Em, you’re bleeding, it’ll head right for you.”

“Godfuckingdammit, Alyssa, I  _ know _ that, but  _ one of us needs to get home, _ now  _ go!” _

Alyssa stares at her for a long moment, then kisses her, hard. “You had damn well better be on that ship, Captain.”

Emma smiles against her lips. “I’ll do my best.”

Alyssa runs, and Emma takes her sword from Ian’s unconscious body. She lifts her hand off of her side, letting the blood drip more steadily, letting the beast smell her and be drawn to her, away from Alyssa.

“Come on, you bastard,” she mutters. “Come get me.”

* * *

_ “Liam, start the ship!” _ Alyssa jumps up into the small ship and sees Kiki and Viv seated in their chairs in the back, Tommy getting things prepped in the co-pilot’s chair. “Start the ship.”

Tommy blinks at her. “Where’s Mom?”

“Back at our ship. Ian lost his fucking mind, and she got cut. Not bad, but the Snap’s being drawn to her. We have to get the ship going so we can leave as soon as she gets here.”

There’s a long pause, then Tommy says, “Mama, you know how to start a ship. Sit down and start it.”

“What-”

Tommy stands, grabbing his rifle from behind his chair.

“No.” Alyssa shakes her head. “No way am I letting you-”

“Mama,” he says quietly. “If you and Mom get home, then I don’t need to come here in the first place.  _ I’m safe, _ but only if you both live. Let me do this.”

Alyssa bites her lip. “I think your logic is bullshit, but you’re a Nolan. You’re going to do it anyway.”

Tommy gives her a small laugh and kisses her on the forehead. “I’ll be back.”

* * *

Fear is a healthy emotion for pilots. Flying is a constant challenge of gravity, of knowledge, of skill, and it requires a person with the courage to make the right decision at the right time.

It also requires a person with the right level of fear to respect the forces of nature that might be standing in their way.

Emma Nolan is a great pilot.

“I’m fucked,” she mutters when she sees the Snap, stalking its way towards her on the rocks.

She has nowhere to run. She knows the beast would track her blood even if she tried.

She backs up, considering her options, as the Snap reaches Ian’s body.

It sniffs him, casually breaks his neck with its tail, and keeps coming towards Emma.

When the Snap gets too close for comfort, still taunting her with slow movements, Emma slashes at its long, thin snout with her sword.

The Snap roars at her with a sound not unlike a tiger.

“Okay. Didn’t appreciate that. Understood.”

She raises the sword again, wincing in anticipation of the Snap’s inevitable lunge, when the crack of a gunshot pierces the air.

The Snap cringes and turns, glaring at Tommy, aiming with his rifle.

“That’s my mother you’re trying to kill, asshole.”

The Snap tries to lunge at him, but Emma takes advantage of the distraction to drive her sword into its back. Tommy calmly fires three more shots directly into the beast’s head, then walks into close range and fires a fourth, until it stops moving.

Emma removes her sword, cringing at the black blood on the blade. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Somebody gave me some advice on how to use this thing right.”

“They were pretty smart.” Emma pats him on the shoulder, taking his hand for support as she winces.

“Are you okay, Mom?”

“Hurts, but I’m fine. We should go before that thing decides to revive.”

“What about Ian?”

Emma takes in a breath. “It’s too late for-” She freezes.

Tommy frowns at her. “Mom?”

“The skeletons are gone.”

“What?”

“The tarp and the skeletons are gone.”

“Does that mean it’s not going to happen anymore?”

Emma swallows and tightens her grip on his hand. “I think we should leave before we find out.”

* * *

Alyssa hugs Emma tightly the moment she gets on board. “That martyr shit that you do needs to stop, or I’ll kill you.”

Emma gives a quiet laugh and hugs her back. “Yes, ma’am.” She sits down in the co-pilot’s chair with a soft huff, and Alyssa sits on the floor directly behind her. “Liam. Fly us out of here.”

His eyes widen. “Me?”

“You’re a pilot, aren’t you?”

He grins and sits down, buckling himself into his seat. “Ready to go home?”

Emma glances back at Alyssa, who smiles. “Yeah. I’d say so.”

Tommy looks at them both, softness in his eyes, then aims the ship at the targeted wormhole and launches it.

* * *

**[postscript]**

Alyssa climbs down off of the transport ship and breathes in the fresh air of Feirm. “God. It’s good to be home.”

“Maybe a little off the mark, but we made it. Dropping Viv and Kiki off at their new places didn’t delay us too badly, thankfully.” Emma stands next to her, fidgeting with her jacket. “Do you think Gran understood what we told her? It was confusing for me and I lived it. I just don’t want Liam to be-”

“Honey. If you stress about it, you’ll make him stressed.”

“I know, I just-”

_ “Mom! Mama!” _

Alyssa’s attention turns to the little boy sprinting out of the farmhouse, running as fast as his six-year-old legs can carry him, his stuffed dog clutched in his hands. He tackles Alyssa in a hug, and she picks him up, hugging him tightly.

“Liam. Oh, God, Liam.”

“Mama,” Liam sobs, crying against Alyssa’s neck. “Gramma said you got in trouble and it wasn’t your fault and you didn’t mean to leave but you were gone for a  _ whole year _ and I was so scared.”

“I know, baby. I know. I promise we didn’t mean to. We’ll never do anything like that again.”

Liam turns his head on Alyssa’s shoulder, giving Emma a more shy look. “Mom?”

Emma reaches over, her eyes watery, and gently ruffles his hair. “Hi, Lieutenant.”

“I took care of Gramma. I knew you’d want me to.”

She gives a smile like she’s not sure whether to laugh or burst into tears. “That’s a good job. You’re my best lieutenant, right?”

He nods. “Will you still teach me how to fly a ship someday?”

“Of course I will. You’ll be better than I am.” She continues gently stroking her fingers through his hair as he looks up and frowns.

“Who’s that?”

Alyssa turns around and looks at Tommy, standing behind them, staring at his younger self. “That’s… Tommy,” she says. “He’s going to be sticking with us. You can trust him.”

She sets Liam down, and he cautiously walks over to Tommy, looking up at him. “I like your hair.”

Tommy laughs and crouches down in front of him. “I like your dog.”

“Thanks. His name is Reuben.”

“I had a dog named Reuben when I was little. It’s a good name.”

Liam nods. “Do you know how to play Sticks?”

“Hm.” Tommy leans forward and lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Is that where you just throw a bunch of sticks into your gramma’s backyard and then see who makes the biggest mess?”

Liam’s eyes get wide. “Yeah!”

“I happen to be an  _ expert _ at Sticks.”

“You can be on my team then!” Liam grabs Tommy by the hand and starts pulling him towards Betsy’s house.

Alyssa watches them go, leaning on Emma’s shoulder. “Do you think they’ll be okay?”

“I think they’ll both need time and their own space, and I think they’ll handle things in their own way.” Emma puts her arm around Alyssa. “But they’re our sons, Lys. They’ll be okay.”

Alyssa kisses her on the cheek. “Come on, Captain. You can be on my team.”

Emma grins. “I think the boys will probably beat us.”

“That’s fine. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”


End file.
